singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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