If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
