I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I will die if light touches me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
