38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I currently don't understand fingers.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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