Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
