woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
