I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
