I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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