my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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