It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She's the barista slut.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
try to milk me bitch
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
