How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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