two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
