she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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