it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
