he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
