Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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