We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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