It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
