I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Mom said you looked used
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
