Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Semen is not good for contacts.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
