umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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