Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize