Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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