North Korea, Best Korea!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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