There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
