you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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