My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
