i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
