Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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