Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
