Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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