I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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