I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
