so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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