Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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