so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
