like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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