in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
