I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
