I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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