Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
