They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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