we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
