I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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