we have officially lost it.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
