like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize