Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
