why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
