Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
