On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
