I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
