Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
