Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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