I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
