she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize