ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
