I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
