Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize