Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
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