when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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