you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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