If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the day after is always just damage control
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
