I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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