she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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