1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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