if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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