I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
