I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
