I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
