Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
